by Erin Elaine
The fact that I’m moving to Spain in a week still feels unreal to me. It’s hard to wrap my head around it. I have no context in which to make sense of this new transition. I’ve never moved out of the country before, so even though I’ve been told what to expect and I’ve researched what to expect and I’ve thought about what to expect, I still have no fucking clue what to expect.
It’s exciting, and also scary – in a good way.
I’ve never felt so much anticipation before. It’s so new I can’t really describe it, so bear with me.
It’s like a mixture of happiness and stress and excitement and nervousness and confusion and thrill. The only time I’ve felt even a fraction of this much anticipation was right before I started my student teaching, which was an amazing experience. But this is obviously a hundred times bigger than that. I never thought I’d be lucky enough to experience something this big in my life.
My life has been fairly routine up until now. Most people’s lives are routine. Go to high school, go to college if you’re lucky, go into a field that has nothing to do with your major, get a paycheck, buy things you don’t need or want, convince yourself you’re happy, have kids to distract yourself from your boring life. Sounds fun. And honestly, I most likely would have followed a similar path if it weren’t for this opportunity – except I refuse to settle for a job that turns into a career once I realize I’ve been sitting in the same cubicle for 10 years.
Back to my point – this is the first major wild card in my adult life. I didn’t expect it, but I welcome it. I’ve never talked to anyone who regretted moving abroad. I have, however, talked to people who regretted not moving abroad.
The anticipation feels like a jack-in-the-box that’s been wound up and is just waiting, waiting to be released. One week left until my life is unrecognizable. That’s really what it will be. Completely unrecognizable, and I’m so ready!
Apologies for this entry being so all over the place. It’s hard to organize my thoughts on this. I’m sure it will be better once I get over there and I can deal with realities rather than expectations.